Helping Your Child Manage Big Feelings

At Children’s Discovery Center, we understand that preschoolers often experience “big feelings.” Learning to manage emotions is an essential part of early childhood development. Through gentle guidance and supportive co-regulation with trusted caregivers, children can develop the skills they need to calm themselves and build lifelong emotional resilience.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters for Ages 2–5

Young children’s brains develop rapidly, but emotional and cognitive growth occur at different rates:

• Amygdala (emotional center) develops faster than the prefrontal cortex (thinking and self-control).

• This means big feelings can happen suddenly, and self-calming skills are still emerging.

• Children often need to “borrow our calm” before they can create their own, thanks to mirror neurons.

Helping your child learn emotional regulation sets the foundation for healthy stress responses, strong relationships, and lifelong coping skills.

Understanding Regulation in Preschoolers

1. Co-Regulation

Co-regulation is when caregivers help children calm down by modeling calm behavior and staying connected. Think of it as lending your child your emotional stability until they can find their own calm.

2. Self-Regulation

Eventually, children begin to use tools and strategies practiced with caregivers, such as:

• Deep breathing

• Grounding exercises

• Asking for help

• Taking a calm break

3. Dysregulation

When a child is in fight, flight, or freeze mode, they need support to return to calm. Your presence and guidance bridge the gap between intense emotions and self-regulation.

The Ripple Effect of Your Calm

When you regulate your own emotions first, you create a safe environment where your child:

• Feels secure, the foundation for all learning

• Learns all feelings are normal and manageable

• Develops a healthy stress response system

• Gains trust in you as their emotional anchor

Think of yourself as an emotional thermostat, setting the tone rather than reacting to your child’s emotions.

Simple Regulation Tools for Daily Life

• Connection Before Correction: “I’m here with you. I see you’re upset.” Use presence, gentle tone, and open body language.

• Model Calm: Slow breaths, soft voice, steady body. Drop the agenda and be in the moment.

• Name It to Tame It: Help your child label their emotions: “You’re frustrated because we had to leave the park.”

• Practice When Calm: Use safe spaces, calm corners, breathing games, or calm jars routinely so tools are familiar in tough moments.

Long-Term Benefits of Co-Regulation

Consistently co-regulating with a caregiver helps preschoolers:

• Develop stronger self-control and problem-solving skills

• Experience lower anxiety and higher resilience

• Build healthy relationships through safe emotional expression

• Adapt to frustration and change with confidence

Creating a Safe Place at Home

A safe space is a calm harbor, not a punishment. It helps children practice self-regulation in a supportive environment.

Choosing the Right Location

• Quiet, low-traffic area

• Visible and accessible, so children don’t feel isolated

Making It Physically Safe

• Remove sharp corners or breakables

• Soft seating: bean bags, floor cushions, or child-sized chairs

• Good lighting: natural and soft

Adding Comfort Tools for the Senses

• Touch: weighted blanket

• Sight: calming visuals, nature photos, picture books

• Hearing: soft music or nature sounds

• Smell: lavender eye pillow

• Movement: stress ball, fidget toy, favorite stuffed animal, calm jar

Introducing the Space Positively

• Show it when your child is calm, not in crisis

• Practice using it together: breathing exercises, starfish breathing, squeezing a stuffed animal, watching glitter settle in a calm jar

• Let your child decorate it to feel personal and inviting

A safe space teaches emotional skills while co-regulation remains the bridge to independent self-regulation. Your calm presence acts as an emotional life jacket, helping your child not just manage big feelings but return to calm and confidence.